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Reflections on Relationship:
A Free Association Questionnaire
 © 1997 - 2024 by Jerral Sapienza , Curator: HWA.ORG
      People around the world are thinking about relationship, and of course, most have some of their own ideas which might prove useful to the rest of us. The function of this questionnaire is to collect and distribute some of those ideas, and see if we can't come to some useful "truisms" over time.
      As this questionnaire matures, it's apt to get a bit long. You're free to complete as little or as much of it as you like, and feel free to jump around. We look forward to hearing more about what YOU have to say on relationship. After all... if you're like the rest of us, then regardless of where you are in relationship, you can never know too much, and you can never have too many questions! Thanks for visiting!      
We appreciate your reflections.
When you finish, click on the SUBMIT button to have your answers compiled.
One technical aside here... It is possible that in the course of your answering the questionnaire, if you get too carried away in your writing, your connection to the net could reset, since your provider may have a 15 - 20 minute (or shorter) timeout on your connection. While you are filling this out, it is not going across the net, since it is entirely local, and your modem may think it is idle, and therefore shut down. This in itself is not a problem, except that you may need to redial & restart your connection before you attempt to actually send your responses. Your browser (Netscape or whatever) should hold your answers in the meantime.
To start with, some questions which have nothing to do with Relationship at all, but which have more to do with what kind of hardware you're using to look at us, what kind of computer, and from where...    
   
about this web site?
:More Details about how you found us:
To your best recollection, at what age did your first significant relationship occur?       did you deal with things, overall?
Jump now to the END , midpoints: * * * * * * * or the TOP of the questionnaire...
What was the nature of that first relationship? (As in, was it more a "puppy love", or was it an intense fiery fling, or did you fall in love and find yourself married at first sight?... Or?)

which best helped you in learning about relationship?
Other comments on what most helped:

which most hindered your learning about relationship?
Other Comments on What Most Hindered your learning about relationship:
If you have read or heard of any particular books which might have been particularly useful for your dealing with Relationship, perhaps you'd like to share some Titles or Authors for others to check out?
Titles:

Writers:
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Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall. Tell me now and tell me All... Help me know and Help me See: Here's what relationship means to me... If you had to explain Relationship to some strange alien culture or scientific investigator who had no clue about Relationship and had never experienced it before, how might you explain it?

Ahh... the bliss of relationship! Such is the nature of Love and Life. When I think about the very BEST things to look forward to in relationship, I'd have to include...

And then, there can be the darker side of relationship, too! Not that I want to dwell on the negative or focus on the down side of relationship, but in the interest of having a most balanced view of things, I'd have to say that the most difficult aspects of relationship would include...

There is Giving and there is Taking in Relationship. Knowing that it takes all kinds to make a world and that neither one is necessarily bad or wrong nor good and right, if I had to honestly look at myself and see where I stand, I'd say probably:

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Perhaps it's a reflection of myself; perhaps it's exactly opposite of myself. Perhaps it's a fantasy person who can never exist, and perhaps it's so general that it could be everyone on my block... But when I sit down and think about just what I want a person to be in order for me to be satisfied in a relationship, I'd have to say that I want . . .

And maybe I am not just yet completely perfect for that perfect blissful relationship of my life. Maybe I could change a thing or two (or seventy!) in order to better be ready for my "perfect relationship" to fall for me! But then, who's looking for perfection!! Perfect I am not, but I do realize that I could make a few changes which might help me to be a better partner in relationship. Among those changes which might be nice, I could...

Sometimes habits can keep us in a behavior pattern far beyond the time it is healthy or useful in our lives. And sometimes our habits can hold us back from taking some new steps which might be healthy and beneficial in order to better grow. When I think of my own habits and how they might affect my ability to relate well in a relationship, I'd say that...

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In the case of a partner's habits and how they might relate to my ability to accept them and be happy in relationship or not, I'd say...

Relating to people can really be a challenge sometimes, knowing, for instance, that you sometimes have to risk in order to be able to get closer to others and let them closer to you. Sometimes it's frightening to risk, and sometimes it's exhilarating! My own personal memory involving "risk" in relationship would be ...

Sometimes humor can be a great way to relate to other people. And relationship certainly has its opportunities for funny stories. Probably the funniest thing I've ever experienced regarding relationship would be ...

Whoa! Responsibilities. Some people understand Responsibility in relationship and some don't. When I hear the word "Responsibility" when it pertains to relationship, what comes to mind for me is ...

And another biggie is Communication / Argument style! Some of us really love to talk, and some just seem to be best at listening. And some don't even like to consider the possibility that something NEEDS to be talked about. In my opinion / experience, what I've noticed regarding communication / argumentation styles in relationship is that...

Sometimes people say that initial attraction is often because of "Looks" or "Appearances" or "Physical Attractiveness." Others say it's "Personality." Some are drawn to the eyes; some to a smile or voice; some to the face in general; others to the hands; others to, uh, other parts. For me, what I care most about and tend first to notice would be . . .

And, going right along the same line of thinking... What do I have to offer others? Some people consider themselves attractive and some people are always in a state of concern that they're not measuring up. Myself, as for whether I'm attractive or not and what I have to offer, I think that . . .

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Sometimes it seems, love happens in some of the most unexpected places, and people can fall in love with people whose ages are quite different. Some people say people should be around the same age, or within 2 or 5 or ?? years of each other, and some people say age shouldn't matter. For my own view on these things, I'd say

Another way we sometimes get a reflection of differences and similarities in life and relationship is in noticing that and Relationship often knows no bounds of Religion, Faith and Spirituality. Advocates of some teachings suggest that if we're of one Faith, we need to be in relationship only with people of that Religion or that Faith, and others suggest that Religion has no place in determining who it is we may find ourselves with in relationship. My view of Religion and Spirtuality in Relationship is that:

Love / Sex. For some people these words are synonymous, inseparable, one. But for others, they're two totally different aspects of life. For me, I'd have to say that ...

Back in 1945-48, a massive research project on Human Sexuality was published. That was the Kinsey Report, whose data quite shocked more than a few people of that era with its view that humans appear not to be 100% Heterosexual or 100% Homosexual, but that they more appear to be on a continuum somewhere, ranging from what they labeled from 0 - 7:
(0) Totally Heterosexual <---> Totally Homosexual (7).

Today the titles are more "Straight / Queer / Gay" when speaking of these things, but the concept still seems to be hotly debated, no matter what we call it. As for my thoughts on the matter:
    A) My general comments about the continuum of human sexuality from gay to straight to somewhere in between is:

    B) As for my own personal history, preference and experience:

There is often a lot of "charged" energy around the first sexual encounter, especially in cultures where advertising, expectation, movies, and public opinion seems to tell us what to expect and how we or our partner is "supposed to measure up." When I think about my first sexual encounter, what I feel and could put into words here would be:

And what about Co-habitation? . . . Living together before marriage?
Some people say "I would never buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, so why would I get married without trying THAT on? Seems silly!"   And yet, others say "No way! You should be married before living together. Otherwise you won't learn about commitment and values."
      Lots of sparks can fly on this one, trying to all agree. But the way I look at it:

When we think about relationship, love and sex, these days we also have to also think about the reality of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) such as AIDS, Herpes, and all of the others. Some people have realistic views of these things and realize they're always at risk unless they know their own entire history, the entire history of their partner and their partner's previous partners! This can get pretty overwhelming sometimes. When it comes to my own thoughts and feelings around isses of STDs, I'd just say...

Ever thought about Handwriting when it comes to Relationship?   Perhaps there have been some patterns in your past Loves that worked, and those that didn't? Perhaps you've seen that you're attracted to a particular kind of handwriting while another reminds you of _________?
      Perhaps it's very important?   Or nearly completely irrelevant?   Or you just haven't ever even THOUGHT about it!!? Tell us something about how you feel about Handwriting as it relates to your partner?

Hmmm... You know, it is often said that some folks are Cat persons and some folks are Dog persons. Cats or Dogs? Which seems more like your personality? (Or maybe it doesn't even matter?)

And what about YOUR handwriting? Have you ever had a partner comment about your handwriting... that it was amazingly _____ or ______? Neat? Messy? Beautiful? Secretive? Pleasant? Hard to read? Any comments you'd like to make on your own handwriting as it pertains to relationship?

There are many different "classification and organizational techniques" people have used over the millennia for understanding each other. One of the oldest is Astrology, and however maligned or misunderstood it may be today, still many people like to refer to it when they think of how they relate to someone. Do you perhaps relate? Do you know your Sun / Moon / Rising signs? Have you found that certain other signs or astrological traits have been particularly compatible or incompatible with yours? Or are you completely and wholely disinterested in the entirety of Astrology?

Do you know your Astro details?
Sun:     Moon:     Rising:
When is your birthday? MM/DD/YY     Where were you born?
When is your birth time? HH:MM  
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And that's all for now
Please tell us something about your feelings for this questionnaire. Was it useful to help you examine Relationship in general? (Knowing that not all questions will apply to all people, still, how useful was the experience here for you?)

Perhaps you can think of other questions you'd like us to ask, or ways to reword questions asked here. Feel free to ask (and then answer) another particular question or questions you think we should have asked here!


Thanks for coming by and letting us hear your thoughts about Relationship. We post most all of the responses we receive here, so others can come by and review them, unless you specifically tell us not to and that you wish to remain anonymous.
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